We
lurch forward
like a vehicle
running
out of gas
"putt putt putt" fast
then stop
then fast
a body heaving with the weight of overstimulation
eyes gone blurry from
never seeing the horizon
jaw bracing for a strike
ears ringing from tension
chest shallow pipes clogged with preparations
we look around for an external lifeguard buoy
not realizing we aren't in the water
everyone looks to be moving smoothly
because their jerky pace perfectly paces our own
I stop
and
feel an explosive pressure
begging me to keep going
storm clouds form,
thunder roars
no one else can see it
but I can't keep doing this anymore
I am going to walk or stop but not
rush to wait in a jerky infinite intellectual hamster wheel of thought
the showers dump a torrential downpour
vibrating my fascia with salt water
until
the
buzzing
bustle
of
fear
of
falling
makes me
Water
and my heart drops its bristles
I unclench my fist and
raise my
Heart into the world
to spread love.
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